Summer Lessons: Life 101

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This summer, I had the chance to went back to Malaysia and celebrate raya with my family ๐ŸŽŠ, although I just flew there 6 months before. This year’s balik malaysia really open up my mind and heart to so many things, the feeling and the experience are just invigorating. There are plenty of things to ponder and be grateful for, and I am so glad I was home even for just three weeks. It was perfect and I could never asked for more โ˜บ๏ธ. The most important lessons I get out of the trip are:

  1. The worst and highest expectations only come from yourself. You’ll learn that people around you is not as bad as you think, and they sometimes believe more in yourself than you do. So the next time you think your curry taste like lontong, pat yourself in the back and tell yourself not to go into the kitchen anymore. Kiddin! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Try cook curry five more times and you are the kitchen goddess ๐Ÿ’ƒ, because you’re better than those who never even try. Seriously, stop being so hard on yourself. If you don’t know something, accept it and learn to do better. Nobody’s perfect. Just don’t wander with the same excuse and whine that you are not good enough, because you can be better.
    ๐Ÿ’ญย I always have the idea that my mother think I’m the worst driver and she won’t ever let me drive anywhere, until I believe that I am too. After I landed in Kuala Lumpur, mommy asked me to drive home from KL alone the next morning, and I can’t believe I was given that much trust, because for a long time, I don’t even trust myself.
  2. Rezeki orang lain-lain. And you can’t have it all. That being said, be humble and always treat people well. You might be blessed with all the right things now, but you never know what you’ll get tomorrow, and vice versa.
    ๐Ÿ’ญย During cik adik’s kenduri kawin, I met an uncle who can’t read and only has Tingkatan 3 education. He quit school because he thought it was useless. Back then he was so slow, can’t even read and count. But 30 years fast forward, he now has a really successful wedding-catering business, co-partnered with his wife. He was only penjaga lembu before, now so busy, have to make appointment to talk with him.
  3. Some things are beyond our control. Learn to accept things as they are. If you can’t change the feelings, learn to ignore them. There are plenty of bitter stuffs (mostly family business) that make me feel being away is better/easier than being at home. But how long and how far can you run away? Because in the end, we’re still family.
  4. People love differently. Just because how they did it is not the same as how you do it, doesn’t mean they love you less.
    ๐Ÿ’ญย During your childhood, there might be one moment of “syaitan-made” feeling that your parents love the other siblings more than they love you. (Blessed those anak tunggal who never felt this way). I did too. However, during raya, I realized that my sister also felt the same way all this while. And it made me understand that it’s not my mother who love any of us more or less, it is just how she loves. Some people are more expressive in this matter, she might be among those who are not. Gosh, it’s completed (I mean, love always is).
  5. Forgiveness makes your heart light, while grudges turn it dark. People sin, and some sin bigger than others. No matter how badly you were wronged, you have no right to wrong other people in return. Yes, to forgive is easier said than done. But one day, you might need more forgiveness from the person you once refuse to forgive. So try, even if it hurts just to think about it.
  6. Only you can make your dream come true. If you believe in it, make ways. Once you get what you want you’ll feel like ‘datang laa cabaran apapun, I can face it!!!’ ๐Ÿ’ช, and trust me, it’s the best feeling ever. If you don’t have a dream, create one now and pursue it with all your heart. It can be anything, from building a sushi restaurant, to being a wedding planner, to own an ilama as a pet (I’ve met someone with this dream, seriously). No dream is too big or too absurd, and back to lesson #1, it’s you who have the highest expectation.
  7. Study is hard, no matter what your major is. I’ve met my high school classmates and friends and most of them said that their study is hard and they might have chosen the wrong path. And these are clever, hardworking people, who dreamt about doing what they’re doing now, like being a neurologist and chemical engineer since they were, I don’t know, 10. At this point, if turning back time and restarting as a freshman is not your option, my personal advice is to just do your best to finish what you’ve started and pray to Allah that He’ll ease everything, because He will. Doors of rezeki will be open to you in unthinkable ways, in shaa Allah. You just have to trust Him. ๐ŸŒบ

Whew, that was a lot of lessons in 3 weeks! After all, life is the best teacher they said.
What’s your summer lesson? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Partners in Crime


I rarely talk or write about these people, but after two and a half weeks with them, I feel like I have to want to. Gosh, and where do I even start?

People said siblings fight and itโ€™s normal. We did, too frequently. And not fight as in sakat, because sakat is cari pasal yang main-main because you still sayang, but we fight to payback and sakitkan hati, with a spice of real hatred in our heart, like why do you even exist?! And for someone who sure can hold a grudge, I sometimes got really mean, at least in my heart.

But that was before. This winter break made me realized how grown up they are now, we are. Yes, some words still scratch hearts, but the reactions towards those words wowed me.

Apart from sharing almost the same height, we shared this one bitter experience that we rarely or never talk about. We might not wear our hearts on our sleeves, but who else feel it better than ourselves? Maybe thatโ€™s why. When we try to hurt another, we realized that no one could hurt us more than he did (not to blame him tho), and we alone know how much we suffer. So, what’s good to break a broken heart?

And only with these people I feel like no oneโ€™s judging, when usually, the worst judge is within myself. I feel like I can be whoever I wanna be, the prettiest or selekeh-est people, and itโ€™s always fine. Even if they do judge and make fun of me, I dgaf! But that doesnโ€™t mean everything they say masuk-telinga-kanan-keluar-telinga-kiri for me, it means thereโ€™s no filter between their words and my heart. Even if they did hurt my feelings, give us 2 hours and weโ€™ll laugh about it, hard.

We might not always shareย stories about what happen in each other’s life, sometimes blocked each other on social media ๐Ÿ˜‚, called each other words like bongok, gila, etc, and made rough jokes (read: gurau kasar) that never seem appropriate for public. But that’s the thing, we only have it among us, not even with our parents or bff, just us.

These are special and important for me to write down because for someone who come from a broken family, I find it hard to have contentment (or happiness?) in family-related thingy, but then came these people…

Sheesh. Once it was us against each other, and now itโ€™s us against the world. ๐Ÿ˜˜