One and a half legs

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For the past couple of days, I have been walking around the house, to and from campus, and around campus with one and a half legs (I know it doesn’t make any sense πŸ˜…). A few days ago, after attending a lot of makan-makan raya at aunties and sis su’s place, bless them, I feel insecure about myself and decided to start exercising πŸ’ͺΒ (you should have figured out where this is going). I was only going to exercise just that one time as there’s no need to put big goals because honestly, the longest streak is four days of exercising, followed by two months of minimum physical activities.

As always, my go to place is blogilates. But since I’m so lazy liddat, I only targeted my legs, and the first video that showed up was ‘Killer Calves Workout’ with length of 5 minutes, sweeeeeet! 😍 So I did the workout excitedly, even repeat it twice! 10 minutes max, and then went around kemas rumah, did my homework, and ate waffles, feeling toned and slim already πŸ˜‚. Little did I know, my lack of wisdom for not cooling down resulted in days of torture 😭. My calves hurt so bad the next day, and hurt a lot more the day after (which is today). I can’t straighten my left leg, and can barely walk! Have to henjut-henjut everywhere I go. A 10-minute trip to trax station now costs me 20 minutesΒ πŸ˜”.

This morning, the extra time from walking so slowly towards the Geology building left me some space to think and muhasabah. I may have mentioned to Ety and Alia and people around me that my legs hurt so bad, but deep down I know this is the least of ujian that Allah had given me, compared to all the blessings that I have been rained upon (read: dihujani).

2017 has been a great year for me so far, Alhamdulillah. So many amazing things had happened in my life and I am still blessed with so many more. Sometimes I think all these rezeki and doors of opportunity come rolling to my feet without me doing anything. I’m not being ungrateful, but with the sins that I kept doing (I’m nowhere near a pious Muslim, and Allah knows that), I feel like I don’t deserve any of these. And I feel like it’s wrong to complain on an almost-broken leg. Plus, they only started to hurt the day AFTER I walked a thousand steps at Costco, shopping my heart out. See what He did there? He let me go buy things that I love to make my heart happy, before taking my nikmat berjalan temporarily. Imagine going shopping with these legs πŸ˜–.

Times like this are a good reminder for us to be grateful and I hope we are among the small group who always bersyukur for whatever He gave upon us, in shaa Allah, because …

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Summer Lessons: Life 101

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This summer, I had the chance to went back to Malaysia and celebrate raya with my family 🎊, although I just flew there 6 months before. This year’s balik malaysia really open up my mind and heart to so many things, the feeling and the experience are just invigorating. There are plenty of things to ponder and be grateful for, and I am so glad I was home even for just three weeks. It was perfect and I could never asked for more ☺️. The most important lessons I get out of the trip are:

  1. The worst and highest expectations only come from yourself. You’ll learn that people around you is not as bad as you think, and they sometimes believe more in yourself than you do. So the next time you think your curry taste like lontong, pat yourself in the back and tell yourself not to go into the kitchen anymore. Kiddin! πŸ˜‚ Try cook curry five more times and you are the kitchen goddess πŸ’ƒ, because you’re better than those who never even try. Seriously, stop being so hard on yourself. If you don’t know something, accept it and learn to do better. Nobody’s perfect. Just don’t wander with the same excuse and whine that you are not good enough, because you can be better.
    πŸ’­Β I always have the idea that my mother think I’m the worst driver and she won’t ever let me drive anywhere, until I believe that I am too. After I landed in Kuala Lumpur, mommy asked me to drive home from KL alone the next morning, and I can’t believe I was given that much trust, because for a long time, I don’t even trust myself.
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  2. Rezeki orang lain-lain. And you can’t have it all. That being said, be humble and always treat people well. You might be blessed with all the right things now, but you never know what you’ll get tomorrow, and vice versa.
    πŸ’­Β During cik adik’s kenduri kawin, I met an uncle who can’t read and only has Tingkatan 3 education. He quit school because he thought it was useless. Back then he was so slow, can’t even read and count. But 30 years fast forward, he now has a really successful wedding-catering business, co-partnered with his wife. He was only penjaga lembu before, now so busy, have to make appointment to talk with him.
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  3. Some things are beyond our control. Learn to accept things as they are. If you can’t change the feelings, learn to ignore them. There are plenty of bitter stuffs (mostly family business) that make me feel being away is better/easier than being at home. But how long and how far can you run away? Because in the end, we’re still family.
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  4. People love differently. Just because how they did it is not the same as how you do it, doesn’t mean they love you less.
    πŸ’­Β During your childhood, there might be one moment of “syaitan-made” feeling that your parents love the other siblings more than they love you. (Blessed those anak tunggal who never felt this way). I did too. However, during raya, I realized that my sister also felt the same way all this while. And it made me understand that it’s not my mother who love any of us more or less, it is just how she loves. Some people are more expressive in this matter, she might be among those who are not. Gosh, it’s completed (I mean, love always is).
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  5. Forgiveness makes your heart light, while grudges turn it dark. People sin, and some sin bigger than others. No matter how badly you were wronged, you have no right to wrong other people in return. Yes, to forgive is easier said than done. But one day, you might need more forgiveness from the person you once refuse to forgive. So try, even if it hurts just to think about it.
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  6. Only you can make your dream come true. If you believe in it, make ways. Once you get what you want you’ll feel like ‘datang laa cabaran apapun, I can face it!!!’ πŸ’ͺ, and trust me, it’s the best feeling ever. If you don’t have a dream, create one now and pursue it with all your heart. It can be anything, from building a sushi restaurant, to being a wedding planner, to own an ilama as a pet (I’ve met someone with this dream, seriously). No dream is too big or too absurd, and back to lesson #1, it’s you who have the highest expectation.
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  7. Study is hard, no matter what your major is. I’ve met my high school classmates and friends and most of them said that their study is hard and they might have chosen the wrong path. And these are clever, hardworking people, who dreamt about doing what they’re doing now, like being a neurologist and chemical engineer since they were, I don’t know, 10. At this point, if turning back time and restarting as a freshman is not your option, my personal advice is to just do your best to finish what you’ve started and pray to Allah that He’ll ease everything, because He will. Doors of rezeki will be open to you in unthinkable ways, in shaa Allah. You just have to trust Him. 🌺
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Whew, that was a lot of lessons in 3 weeks! After all, life is the best teacher they said.
What’s your summer lesson? πŸ˜‰

I know it’s hard
believe me
i know it feels like
tomorrow will never come
and today will be the most
difficult day to get through
but i swear you will get through
the hurt will pass
as it always does
if you give it time and
let it so let it
go
slowly
like a broken promise
let it go

by Rupi Kaur in his book Milk and Honey

~You might not be worth letting go, but I am. I’m sorry.

A German Confession

It’s almost the end of November,Β which also means it’s almost the beginning of December. πŸ˜–

A couple of posts before, I write about my goal to learn german in 5 months, and be able to speak auf Deutsch with a deutsche on early December. And now, it’s the 149th day of the 150 days challenge. As bad as it is, I have to confess that IΒ dont think I can complete the challenge as yet. Oh god, I feel so bad πŸ˜₯😭. Not because I have to buy kebe his 130 euro watch, not because I didn’t get my DW Classy Winchester either. But because I failed myself 😭.

I know I shouldn’t aim too high, dream too big .. Β wait, sorry. No, there’s nothing wrong with aiming high or dreaming big. Dream as big as you can because if your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough!Β So this is not about dreaming big, but it’s about self motivation and believe in yourself.

It’s a lie if I say I didn’t learn anything after 5 months. I did actually. I even took a mock german fluency test yesterday to know what’s my current level, and I got 87% for A1 test. πŸŽ‰ It also mentioned that I should now be doing A2 exercises, which is not bad, right? During the past five months, I’ve studied a textbook cover-to-cover, hired a tutor, took german class at the U, practiced reading at least one chapter a week with Kebe, practiced speaking with Kebe, wrote journal entries in german (I only did 3 entries actually πŸ˜…), made flashcards, studied flashcards, i don’t even want to start with my homework… Anyway, the point is, I didn’t actually FAILED myself. I may not be able to complete the challenge, but at least I’m moving towards it.

Doing this challenge has taught me something, even since the beginning of the challenge:

  1. I need to work on my self motivation. A $130 watch, a bunch of supportive friends, a tutor, and teachers can’t help me if I didn’t help myself. I might have to start with small goals and try to push myself towards bigger ones, so that I know I can actually accomplish something.
  2. Do it, then say it! Not the other way around. Seriously, I can plan as many amazing plans but all talk no action makes what? You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. Besides, it’s always better to say you did something, than you hope you did it.
  3. I am not going to accomplish every goal I set; however, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. It means I should keep trying!
  4. Learning new language is not as easy as I planned to be. Sheesh …

Well, I guess I did learn something from the #LearnGermanIn5Months challenge, and the most important part I learn is that it’s okay to fail, even when you fail yourself. It’s hard at first, knowing how many goals I set and never actually achieve them. It’s harder when the only one I can blame is myself. But guess what, the good news is the only one who can change this and make me feel amazing is me myself too 😁!

By the way, I’m not giving up on german. I’m gonna complete this challenge, soon. πŸ’ͺ

Cheese Chase 🐭

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Click here to play, it will be opened in a new tab. Good luck!

Sometime around this hectic semester, I made a computer game πŸ‘Ύ. It wasn’t as cool as VR, not even close sorry 😟. But hey, I did something! And you guys should give it a try and tell me what you think 😘.

It was actually an assignment for my computer science class. We were given one week to create a game from scratch using Scratch (no pun intended, I guess). The first couple of weeks, most of our labs and assignments are based on Scratch since it’s easier to use than other lengthy programming language. It was seriously a great introduction for an intro class, and you can do a whole lot more with it than creating addition, summation, arranging, and list-finding programs. For instance, you can create a gameΒ like I did!

The game is about a mouse who is hungry and wants to eat cheeses, but it has to run away from the cat, and watch out for mouse traps. With increasing level, the speed of the cat increases, and the number of mouse traps doubles. The highest level achieved is level 9 by my TA who graded our game πŸ˜‚. I dare you to try and beat him! 😏 (Link here)