A German Confession

It’s almost the end of November,Β which also means it’s almost the beginning of December. πŸ˜–

A couple of posts before, I write about my goal to learn german in 5 months, and be able to speak auf Deutsch with a deutsche on early December. And now, it’s the 149th day of the 150 days challenge. As bad as it is, I have to confess that IΒ dont think I can complete the challenge as yet. Oh god, I feel so bad πŸ˜₯😭. Not because I have to buy kebe his 130 euro watch, not because I didn’t get my DW Classy Winchester either. But because I failed myself 😭.

I know I shouldn’t aim too high, dream too big .. Β wait, sorry. No, there’s nothing wrong with aiming high or dreaming big. Dream as big as you can because if your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough!Β So this is not about dreaming big, but it’s about self motivation and believe in yourself.

It’s a lie if I say I didn’t learn anything after 5 months. I did actually. I even took a mock german fluency test yesterday to know what’s my current level, and I got 87% for A1 test. πŸŽ‰ It also mentioned that I should now be doing A2 exercises, which is not bad, right? During the past five months, I’ve studied a textbook cover-to-cover, hired a tutor, took german class at the U, practiced reading at least one chapter a week with Kebe, practiced speaking with Kebe, wrote journal entries in german (I only did 3 entries actually πŸ˜…), made flashcards, studied flashcards, i don’t even want to start with my homework… Anyway, the point is, I didn’t actually FAILED myself. I may not be able to complete the challenge, but at least I’m moving towards it.

Doing this challenge has taught me something, even since the beginning of the challenge:

  1. I need to work on my self motivation. A $130 watch, a bunch of supportive friends, a tutor, and teachers can’t help me if I didn’t help myself. I might have to start with small goals and try to push myself towards bigger ones, so that I know I can actually accomplish something.
  2. Do it, then say it! Not the other way around. Seriously, I can plan as many amazing plans but all talk no action makes what? You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do. Besides, it’s always better to say you did something, than you hope you did it.
  3. I am not going to accomplish every goal I set; however, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. It means I should keep trying!
  4. Learning new language is not as easy as I planned to be. Sheesh …

Well, I guess I did learn something from the #LearnGermanIn5Months challenge, and the most important part I learn is that it’s okay to fail, even when you fail yourself. It’s hard at first, knowing how many goals I set and never actually achieve them. It’s harder when the only one I can blame is myself. But guess what, the good news is the only one who can change this and make me feel amazing is me myself too 😁!

By the way, I’m not giving up on german. I’m gonna complete this challenge, soon. πŸ’ͺ

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